What to do with an old poop sack (ie. ostomy bag)

In the morning, I get out of bed and start a few early chores, putting away dried dishes, getting bananas for Matt & I, taking supplement pills… Usually, I have a 1/2 full ostomy bag dangling from my abdomen (see earlier post, Energetically Challenged).

This morning I came back to bed chuckling about a poop story I had to tell to Matt:

Years ago, I was hiking with my good friend Dan. It was a beautiful day at Oregon Coast’s Saddle Mountain, and we were just heading down hill from the summit when a dog (don’t ask me what kind, kind of medium-sized), came trotting merrily up the path toward us. As he got closer, Dan and I noticed that around its neck was a sack of its own poop. Neither of us said anything, but stared as it trotted by completely oblivious to us. I think we were both thinking, “Huh, that seems kind of cruel”. The next moment, we saw the dog’s owner hiking up the path toward us and as he passed, he said,

“Don’t tell him, he doesn’t know.”

Dan and I busted up laughing the entire way down the hill. And that’s what the feeling of my bag’s fullness reminds me of, that happy pooch trotting up the path to the summit.

Well, I don’t feel happy with a full bag, but I guess that’s because *I KNOW*.

Early on, I went through a lot of ostomy bags. There’s a bit of a learning curve to get the ‘appliance exchange’ just right, plus I had a complication which caused the bags to unstick prematurely and need frequent replacement. Matt was doing all the changes. Bless him. He insisted that he wanted to be the nurse. Right away, I began noticing empty ostomy bags laying out in the dirt, baking in the sun.

I’ve got an unusual guy.

…Matt? What are my old bags doing in the dirt, baking in the sun? (I’ve known Matt long enough, I already knew the answer). Explanation: The sun kills everything, so the UV rays will sterilize any residue in the bag, and then we’ll just throw it in the trash.

Still, after a week or two, seeing a garden of these sun-baking poop bags in the dirt made me smile over my Nurse Matt.

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